I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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