Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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