I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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