they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
