I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
