Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
