Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
