Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
