OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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