I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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