Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
