a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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