I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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