I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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