Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
