Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
