nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
are you so shy because you have an std?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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