shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
