So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
