guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
