She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
No subtext here. People are naked.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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