The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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