Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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