You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
