a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
