Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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