Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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