Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
