he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
we're so committed to being not committed
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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