we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
