so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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