Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
