i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
