That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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