i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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