He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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