I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
