Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
