You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
