we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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