All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
