you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
