Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
