and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
