Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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