I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
