Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
