just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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