If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
