Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
