Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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