i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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