If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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