Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
