My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
