Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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