my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
