I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We have started to decorate penises.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
