Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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