MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
