I wish my penis had an off switch
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
