Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
