Christians are straight up FREAKS
Soap is not a condiment
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
