i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The Olympian is in my bed
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
