Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize