Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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