I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
