She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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