At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
did i walk over a car last night?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
