mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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