saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
