I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
