You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
