Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
